6 Text Messages You Can Send to a Loved One Going Through Cancer (Or Has Gone Through Cancer)
Sometimes we don't know how to help a friend or a family member who's going through a rough time. Most people will say “Let me know if I can help” and “Let me know if there is something I can do”. And the response to that is “Yes, you can help” and “I don’t know what you’re willing to do. To put it on the person in need of help to decide and choose what to ask for is another thing they have to think about. We don't know what you're willing to do and we don't know your availability. To leave such an open ended option shows that you care, but can lead to nowhere.
It's better to be specific as to what you're offering and when. Are you offering to drive to appointments, is your schedule flexible enough for you to offer that? Are there certain days that are better for you? Are you willing to cook but not drive? Are you willing to do work on the computer instead of prepare something in the kitchen? Are you willing to babysit infants but not toddlers? Are you handy with home repairs? We love those. Someone who’s currently going through cancer treatment or is a cancer survivor with chronic fatigue, could use help on a regular basis with:
Cleaning, mopping, vacuuming
Folding laundry
Walking the dog
Making returns
Troubleshooting computer problems
Pick up / drop off dry cleanings
Healthy, home cooked meals
I'm fortunate enough to have a sort of angel in my life, who shows up every couple of weeks. This person spends a few hours at a time to visit, chat a little bit, but the main purpose of the visit is to help me with things that I can't handle on my own or simple tasks to lessen the burden. I'll call this person Jamie.
Because I have Jamie in my life, I feel looked after.. This counts for a lot seeing as I've had some dark moments after cancer. Knowing that I have someone who's willing to take a couple hours out of their busy life, to take out my trash (yes, it’s a pain in the ass to go down two flights of stairs open up a dumpster with a lock, and go back up two flights of stairs, when you've got cancer related fatigue), rearrange pretty much my entire apartment so that I can have a larger area to paint; add hanging wire to the back of my canvases; install shelving because every bit of space that I could take advantage of in a small place helps; and help me schlep laundry down to the basement and pick up home supplies I’ve ordered.
So how do you offer help when you don’t know exactly what the person needs? For one, you can organize a MealTrain. The person can choose dates and ideal drop off times that they need meals for, choose ingredient preferences and this information can be shared with friends and family to sign up and help.
Also, here are examples of text message you can revise and send to someone you care for.
Example 1
Good morning, hope you’re doing well. If you’re up for company, here are some of my available times: late afternoon today, Wednesday afternoon/evening and Thursday is pretty open. We can just sit and not talk and watch puppy videos, I can massage your head with one of those head massagers, massage your legs, I can do reiki on you and various house chores.
I know it can be tiring to have visits, and sometimes it would be nice if someone were just around. I can bring my computer or do sketches, while you do whatever. We can also do that on Zoom, just be on it together, doing our own thing and checking in once in a while like we’re in the same room. And if you’re worried about cancelling last minute, don’t be. Think about it ❤️
Example 2
Hi, I’m going to Trader Joe’s at 2pm. If you give me a list, I can drop off groceries to you around 3. If not, the next time I’m going will probably be Friday at 8am, which is when I usually go and I can deliver each week before I start work.
Example 3
I’m doing car stuff today. How about I come by, take your car to get a full tank of gas and car wash? I can come knock, grab the keys from you and bring it back when I’m done. *Joyriding may or may not occur lol
Example 4
I’m making vegan chili today. I can drop off some tonight or tomorrow night, portioned off in single servings, you can eat one soon and freeze the rest so you don’t get tired of it. Let me know if there are ingredients you don’t eat and I’ll leave it out, just get back to me by noon before I start cooking (Write your name on the Tupperware so they don’t have to remember where it came from or give them containers you don’t want back)
Example 5
I have Mondays afternoons free, I can take Fido to the park (and you, if you’re up for it) for an hour. If that sounds good, let me know what time to pick him/you two up.
To have help once or twice is great, it's so appreciated and it's much needed, but for us to feel really cared for, and safe because our world has been shaken up and our foundation doesn't feel solid, we need something to depend on, something regular.
Example 6
Want to go to the park this week in the morning and go for a walk? We can look for a spot that is flat, so it’s easier on you. I can go anytime between 9 - 11am on Tuesday or Thursday and pick you up. Let me know if there’s something else you’d rather do instead.